No Crying In Baseball chat


When Patti and her potty-mouthed friend talk baseball, you'll know this is not a baseball podcast for lightweights. This is the real deal, from real fans. Because diamonds are a strong woman's best friend, and there's no crying in baseball.



#48 - Stupid, Stupid Rain (Sep 11th, 2018)

Pottymouth proposes a school district-like snow day contingency plan for MLB rainouts. She nominates Yadier Molina, and Patti picks Cookie Carrasco, as their Roberto Clemente Award favorites. Patti’s shortstop boyfriends Francisco Lindor and Trevor Story are making history. Pottymouth questions MLB policy that allows Roberto Osuna, but not Robinson Cano, to play in the postseason. Jacob DeGrom, Max Scherzer, and Aaron Nola are in a dead heat for the NL Cy Young, possibles for the NL MVP, ...


#47 - Sometimes a Raccoon Is Just a Raccoon (Sep 4th, 2018)

There is great rejoicing when Pottymouth utters the magic words, “Ohtani Watch.” Less so when she calls Patti out for telling everyone not to panic about trades last week. Andrew McCutchen shaved and became a Yankee! Josh Donaldson is a Fightin’ Francona! Gio Gonzalez is a Brewer. Sigh. This week’s vocabulary words, “expanded roster,” lead to a strategy discussion about interchangeable player positions in the land of fewer balls in play. Does Team USA’s failure to medal in the Women’s Bas...


#46 - Moose on Moose Violence (Aug 28th, 2018)

Patti and the Pottymouth share the joy of Player’s Weekend, from Mike “Moose” Moustakas homering off of Joe “Moose” Musgrove, to the ultra style-y cleats of Adam Jones, CC Sabathia, and Francisco Lindor. Ronald Acuna, Jr. takes a chunk out of Marlin’s park, and a suitcase takes a whack at Aaron Sanchez’s dignity. It’s not Moneyball this time around, but the Oakland A’s are on a tear. Today’s vocabulary lesson is on revocable waivers and free agency, with the bonus tip of Don’t Panic. T...


#45 - Just Beer Enough (Aug 21st, 2018)

While Regulation Pottymouth is away, Other Pottymouth pinch hits with tales of the Nationals new bullpen cart, which they don’t deserve, a little love for Derek Jeter’s Marlins requiring Spanish lessons for the English speakers on the team, and the joy of SS Scott Kingery pitching so slowly the velocity doesn’t even register. Patti rants about Jose Urena’s fastball assault of Ronald Acuna and baseball’s ridiculous unwritten rules. And Eric Hosmer homering off a beer provides a teaching ...


#44 - Dance Cam Edition (Aug 14th, 2018)

Patti and the Pottymouth review the good, the bad, and the ugly of Player’s Weekend nickname choices. Extra credit to Pat Venditte, Paul Fry, and Joey Gallo for puns and playfulness. The Reds are troubling, however, as Scooter Gennett doesn’t choose “Scooter” and Joey Votto goes all Canadian war poetry on us.  Juan Soto suffers premature ejection. Baseball math provides grandpas everywhere with cheat sheets on when it is safe to leave the game early and beat the traffic. And grandchildren...


#43 - Double Header Hangover (Aug 7th, 2018)

Patti & the Pottymouth are forced to follow their own stupid fantasy boyfriend baseball league rules and bid farewell to Rhys Hoskins, Jonathan Schoop, and Ian Kinsler due to the Trade Deadline Boyfriend Shuffle. Pottymouth cheers on the Mamie “Peanut” Johnson Little League team as they move on to the regional championships with support from BF Adam Jones. Patti watches the “brawl that wasn’t” unfold, re-fold, and result in the beaning of national treasure Joey Votto. Rants abound as we a...


#42 - Stupid High School Boys (Jul 31st, 2018)

Former MLB players vote for boyfriends on all 30 teams.  They call them Heart and Hustle Awards, but they totally use NCIB’s BF criteria.  We make a good showing with Pookie, Goldy, Salvy, Scooter, Spanky, and Alfalfa all making the cut. That’s Mookie Betts, Paul Goldschmidt, Salvador Perez and Scooter Gennett, for the uninitiated. Kiké Hernandez checks pitching off the bucket list, stands on the said bucket, and teases the Braves announcers for getting their MLB panties in a bunch. We have n...


#41- All-Star Wrap-up and Women In Baseball Week (Jul 24th, 2018)

With Patti on the road, Pottymouth brings in some special guests to help out. Ecuadoran journalist Santiago Estrella talks about growing up playing baseball in New York City and being a huge Yankees fan before moving back to Ecuador — a country that has no baseball — at the age of ten. His newspaper allowed him to come back to the States to cover All-Star Week and he shares his stories of interviewing some of the top players.

Pottymouth also speaks with dynamic umpire Perry Barber about Wom...


#40 - All-Star Week is Hotter Than Hell (Jul 17th, 2018)

It’s All-Star Week and Patti and the Pottymouth have made new friends all over town – in the Metro, in bars, at the ballpark, during volunteer gigs, plus that guy walking down the street carrying a base from the Futures game. We got outside at Play Ball Park, where we made sure little girls and grown women took their turns at bat and in the pitching cages and didn’t hang back behind the boys and menfolk.

At Fanfest, Pottymouth met a childhood hero and Patti flew. We couldn’t help ourselves a...


#39 - Jumbotron Edition (Jul 10th, 2018)

Pottymouth decamps to NYC (WTF?) yet Patti manages to have her Greatest. Baseball. Weekend. Ever. There were dingers and anthems and jumbotron appearances galore. Pottymouth makes an All-Star case for Yadier Molina, who now even Torey Lovullo agrees is NOT a mofo.

Mark Reynolds and Juan Soto are not the heroes the Nationals had in mind, but they are the heroes they needed. Patti has a brush with glory as the Women’s Baseball World Cup trophy and two members of Team USA visit Nats Park. And th...


#38 - Naked Players and Shirts On Fire (Jul 3rd, 2018)

Patti and the Pottymouth welcome special guest Alfredo Alvarez, of Con Las Bases Llenas, for a Red Sox / Yankees Series smackdown, er, discussion. Alfredo’s story of becoming a Yankees fan as a child in Cuba almost convinces Patti to join the Evil Empire, but her aggressively ugly Orioles shirt (and her aggressively Red Soxy Pottymouth) keep her grounded.

We celebrate Joey Votto’s strike zone in honor of Canada Day, and revisit crime and punishment in the MLB in the form of Luke Heimlich and ...


#37 - Beware Mascots Wielding Wieners (Jun 26th, 2018)

Yadier Molina has legs, but does he have knees? The wiener report includes Hunter Strickland, the Phillie Phanatic and that guy on the Metro with the Machado jersey. The non-waiver trade deadline may cost Patti some boyfriends, but she makes sure you know what it means. Pottymouth has choice words about Roberto Osuna. All this plus participation medals, fake moustaches and a pitcher named Disco.

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#36 - Childish Bambino is SO Our Guy (Jun 19th, 2018)

Pottymouth laments the glory that is her Mariners (formerly Rays) boyfriend, Denard Span because his best work is against her Red Sox. What’s a girl to do? We jump on the Mariners bandwagon that suddenly looks playoff-bound. Tip of the cap to Trea Turner for his 100th stolen base and Patti tells a back with a bang from the DL story, about Rhys Hoskins of the Phillies. Someone, please get Pottymouth a Yuli Gurriel gnome with troll hair.

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#35 - Im-Max-ulate Innings (Jun 12th, 2018)

The race is on for the first player to a 20-20 season.  Will it be Mike Trout? Mookie Betts? Tim Anderson? Andrew Benintendi?

Patti welcomes Jays BF Aledmys Diaz back from the DL, and DBacks BF Paul Goldschmidt back from his slump. Pottymouth brings the adorable with little brothers of Alex Bregman and Carlos Correa drafted by the StrosBros.

Surprisingly, the best play uniting Baseball and Beer this week is NOT the woman chugging her beer full of foul ball. But it could be.


#34 - Biting At The Chompers (Jun 5th, 2018)

Mookie Betts is back on the DL but never fear, Andrew Benintendi is here! The Detroit Tigers’ season, however, may depend on fowl balls as they pin their hopes on a Rally Goose.

This week’s boyfriend updates include Francisco Lindor, Scooter Gennett, and Max Scherzer, but finding replacement boyfriends is really, really hard. We have a little early Father's’ Day celebration for Dereck Rodriguez (son of Pudge), Kody Clemens (son of Roger), Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. (son of Vlad, Sr.), and Luke F...


#33 – Scooter, Scooter, Everywhere (May 29th, 2018)

Patti and the Pottymouth discuss the healing powers of pee and successfully predict the epic-ness of the Trevor Bauer / Gerrit Cole duel. Ohtani, Trout, yada yada but have you seen this guy Scooter Gennett? Rookies hit it out of so many parks in debuts this week (Is it too early to order our Soto jerseys?)

There’s some talk therapy to help Pottymouth through her extreme boyfriend flux (Oh, Hanley.). Those crazy Rays may be on to something with their closers as “openers.” Patti gets to say, “J...


#32 - Yankee Love and Jeter Hate (May 22nd, 2018)

We were touched to see the compassionate reactions from local sports teams after the tragic shooting at Sante Fe High in Texas. Sports help us come together as a community and heal.

Robinson Cano gets an 80-game suspension for use of a PED masking agent. He says it was accidental but was it, really?

Astros pitching tops the charts for ERAs but Cory Kluber and Max Scherzer have much to celebrate, too.

Finally, Pottymouth talks nice about the Yankees (to everyone's amazement) but Patti brings h...


#31 - Pumped-up Pitchers and Pretty Pretty Shoes (May 15th, 2018)

Special Mother's Day shout-out to all the baseball and softball mothers out there! Thanks for all you do!

This week, updates on Trevor Bauer, Wilson Ramos, Francisco Lindor, Sean Rodriguez, and Scooter Gennett. The Mets make a little league error and the humidor at Chase Field dampens even the Diamondback's Paul Goldschmidt.

Did you know that April is the first month in MLB history to record More strikeouts than hits? Patti tells us all about it and Pottymouth has a thing or two to say.

All t...


#30 - Bryce Harper Has Been Freed! (May 8th, 2018)

MLB outlaws the use of "any foreign substance" by pitchers but Patti reports on Trevor Bauer's call to allow pine tar and other substances. Listen to find out why!

The Seattle Mariners leave Patti & Pottymouth scratching their heads over their announcement that Ichiro Suzuki is not retiring, but won't be playing. Could it all be part of a long-term plan?

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#29 – Blame It On The Porn Bots (May 1st, 2018)

What happens when Pottymouth's father learns she curses for the very first time? Disappointment and confusion, perhaps, but maybe moms can curse vicariously.

Player highlights: Wilson Ramos homers again, Tommy Pham hits himself in the head with a bat and a "contraption", and Bryce Harper can't get a pitch.


All that and questions about a shorter MLB season in this week's episode!

Get details about everything in this week's show and our Baseball Boyfriend Fantasy League at